wishing you were here right now

this totally contradicts what I last wrote but this is what I am feeling write now so here it is.

well i guess it is just one of those days. things have been going great, but today has been a rough day. i thought i was doing just fine. but i guess this is my off day. i hope i am aloud to have one because all i want is someone i trust to let me just cry.

have you ever just needed a shoulder to cry on? have someone hug you and tell you everything will be all right? have you ever just needed someone who truly cares about you and won't make fun of you later for crying to be there? well that is about where i am at right now. the one person i wish could be here i am afraid i will scare away. i no longer no what to do. i have boxes i have to pack up, which is exactly how i want to spend my next couple of weeks. at this point i am just planning on surrounding myself with the people i care about. because i want a reason to come back. i want to be able to tell people in porltnad about the amazing friends i have in albany. and i want to be able to say that i am going to visit them. i just hope that they will still have time for me. im afraid that i won't be able to fit in anymore......and that scares me more then anything....i can't lose bri, david, ty, and evan. they are my closest friends and they are the people i turn to when something goes wrong. i am afraid what will happen when i leave. but if they really care and i really care about them...then i think it may work out. i plan on talking to them whenever i can and coming to visit as often as i can. i am going to miss them so much. i just wish i knew what they were thinking.......

i am finally seeing the good side

well to say things honestly, i was pretty mad at the world for a couple of weeks. im finally making some really good friends, i'm enjoying school, and things finally feel right. but my mom got a job and now i am moving. and that is okay now. i mean i think that God has a plan for me. and when i thought things could never get any better, they finally did. friday night i went and saw tristan and isolde with brianna, her mom, and my mom. i loved that movie. it was so good, but it is definatley a movie for hopeless romantics like me. then i went cosmic bowling from 11-1. that was a lot more fun then i thought it would be. i only really knew david and jake. kylee is kind of my friends but we aren't likd best friends and so it was kind of odd when she invited me. but i had a good time. but i was so tired afterwards. lol.

but i have to say that yesterday was one of the best days i have ever had. it was just.....i don't know how to explain it. so the guy i really liked finally asked me to go to the movies. and lets just say that made my week look pretty darn good. so david, lee, jessica and i all went and saw the chorincles of narnia. well first we all met up at davids and played scattergories and catch phrase, and a couple of other random games. it was fun. we had pizza for dinner. and then we all went to the movies. it was so much fun. and i am so glad that things are going well. i care about him a lot and im really happy because i finally know for sure that he likes me back. it was just an amazing night.

today i went to church and then we had a leader meeting. that was interesting. brianna was having fun picking out backgrounds. though i have to admit they were pretty funny. well atleast some of them were. but after the meeting i went home and then this evening liz and i went and saw Last Holiday. it was cute. it was really nice to just nag out with her and talk, like after the movie we went and got milkshakes and just sat and talked for a little bit about everything that had been goin gon in out lives. but that movie made both of us thing about what you want to do before you die. because if you really think about it we don't have that much time, so why waste it worrying about things and regretting everything we didn't do. but for now, i am just going to enjoy the life i have.

well i think i am going to stop for now. tomorrow i am heading over to briannas to hang out with tyler, evan, bri, chelsea, and maybe david....i hope. lol. it should be interesting. but for now i am still just so happy about last night. lalalala. lol. well i guess i will talk to all my lovely fans that read this later. love you all and hope life is treating you well. LEAVE ME A COMMENT!! i don't care what you say just do so i feel better. lol. bye bye!

life is the largest rollercoaster you will ever be on

I know it has been awhile since I wrote anything. It has been a hectic couple of weeks. My house went on the market and sold in less then three days. So we have to be out of it on the 15th of Febuary. My mom found a place in West Linn and the excepted the offer on it. And if I have to move then I want to live in there. They have a good school and apprently have a good young life. And just for those who are paying attention and actually read this. I did ask that guy to sadie hawkins and he said yes. lol. I was so happy. But anyways I really hope things work out for the best. But for now I am going to make the best of the time that I have with my friends. I know I will be back, but I also know I won't get to see them as much and I want to enjoy the time I have. So that is what I am going to do for now. Tonight I am going to a movie with and then cosmis bowling really late. Another movie tomorrow night, lol, church and leadership meeting Sunday. Then hang out with Liz, dinner with my godparents sunday. Then monday I don't know what I am going to do yet. Guess I better work on that. But for now I think I am going to go. Love you all and hope everything is going well in your lives. Talk to you all later.

someone

i wish i knew what to say. all i want to do is scream at the top of my lungs till i can't breathe. and then when i start to tink about that all i want to do is cry. cry until i can't cry anymore. until i think i am going to just stop working. but i can't seem to let myself do that. i can't because i don' know who will be there to help me pick all the pieces back up. i don't know who can just hold me and comfort me while i cry. i need to be with someone who will be there with me through all of it. someone that will hold me close and let me drop all the pieces i am trying to hold together. and then help my put them back together again once i am done. someone who won't leave me to figure it out alone. i just wish i knew exactly who that person was. there is one i wish it was, but i am afarid to let my real feelings show because i don't want to scare them away. i care about them too much. now i just need to figure out what to do. because if i don't find that someone soon. then i will be all alone with all the pieces all around me.