*smiles*

well thigs sure do change fast. this week has really been what i needed. it has changed me so much. i have come to realize things that i didn't know before. things that i never quite understood about myself and parts of me that almost felt empty. i hate to admit thsi bt since i have moved my relationship with god has been slipping. and i know it is my fault, but this week i have come to realize a lot.

i can't make it on my own. i can try as hard as i want but that doesn't mean it is going to happen. so i have come to realize i need god in my life. i need him to help me make my decicions not make them alone. i need him to help me choose what is right and what isn't and hopefully if i just keep praying and reading my bible and staying as close to the lord as i can, i might just make it through high school. but right now i am just so happy.

this week has been so changing for me. i realized dating a mormon was a bad idea and that i had to get out of that. so guess what...i did. well lets see megan was here this week. and that was okay. i mean it was nice to see her, but i don't know so much has changed since we were last together. but this week was fun. it was the first time in awhile that i could just relax and not have to worry about every little thing going on. like on sunday after church we stayed for the anual meeting and i just got to hang out with ty and bri mainly. it was a lot of fun because we were so crazy.

then on monday brianna called and asked if she could come over and of course i said yes and then megan was talking to david and the next thing i knew david was coming over and then by the time it was dinner tyler was there too. but once bri had left and david had it was 9:30 and we needed to get tyler home. well then something strage happened, tyler held my hand. it kind of shocked me because of past events. i was like so happy yet so scared of what could happen again. but i wasn't going to get all worked up about till i figured out more.

then on tuesday night brianna stayed the night with me a megan and we tried to pull an all nighter and failed. then on wednesday morning we went and saw she's the man and got tyler and chelsea so come. and tyler held my hand again. it totally freaked me out. yet i was so stinking happy. lol. i mean why shouldn't i be. so then wednsday night we had soccer at youth group and after that ty, evan, bri, chels, megan, and I just sat and talked for awhile waiting for are rides to get going. it was fun. then yesterday nothing too exciting happened other then i went and saw 8 below with bri and megan at the pix. it was a good moviebut after that megan and i tried to pull an all nighter but i crashed about 5:30ish. Then I was up at 8 so since thursday at 9 am i have gotten 2 and a half hours of sleep. lets just say im tired. lol.

today ty, bri, evan, terrell, and megan were all here. and we hung out and tried to watch a movie, played LOTR trivial pursuit, took random pics, and went out on the gator. it was an awesome day. well it might also help that a certain someone that i was crushing on asked me out.....*smiles*. but i haven't really stopped smiling but then again it was so funny to see everyone else reactions. it made me laugh. chelsea freaked and brianna was all happy and evan was just so proud of himself because he had a small part in it. good thing i love my friends. but tonight i went and saw ice age 2 with bri, chels, and evan and ty didn't come because he is stupid. and i don't know when i will see him next so i am sad about that. but i was cracking up because after the movie we ran into some of the people chels and bri eat lunch with and they introdused them to me and evan and then bri was all can i tell them and i said sure and she was all monica and tyler are going out and then showed them pics and it was funny because tyler is going to get so much crap on monday. lol. thats what he gets for not coming.

but for now i think i am going to go. this is starting to get really random and i need to go to sleep. i am sleep deprived and the rest of the stories are for another time. i love you all. and thanks for all the support. it is so nice to know that people care. well im gonna go. night!!

mo

alone

so i have been up here for approximately five weeks. and i have to say it has been some of the lonliest weeks in my life. i don't really have anyone to talk too except for the rare times someone calls me. onle one of my friends from albany has really kept in contace with me and i thank him so much for that. i know people are busy but i didin't think i was going to be forgotten that quickly. sometimes some of my friends from school talk to me online, well i guess i should say my old school. but i hate it. i am always down, i cry a lot. and i am not proud of it. i can't wait for spring break because i get to go down to albany for the week. i think the only person that really cares is tyler. i don't know about evan, and brianna and i never talk anymore. she is either at golf or at chelsea's church or wherever. it just feels like i have lost all of the people i really care about. but i guess that is life. i wish moving was a lot easier. as i am writing this i feel selfish. there are so many people out there that have it worse off then i do. but i just can't seem to get better. i really wish i knew what to do because at the moment i feel like i am falling deeper and deeper in to a whole and i can't get out. i just need me friends back and i wish they knew how much i missed them. but right now they are so caught up in the things they have to do to really care. and i love them to death and always will, but that doesn't mean things will get any better anytime soon. all i can do is pray which i really need to do. i have been pulling myself away from the person i used to be and have become this girl who always wonders what could have been. i guess i just need to find the good things out of this situation. because it isn't going to get any better. but i have to go. break is about over. i love everyone who reads this. well atleast if you are my friend i do. maybe someone can help me one day.

living in west linn

so i have already wrote one of these but apprently my computer selelted it or i didn't save it or something. i don't know but i am going to try this again. so right now i am sitting in the library and i am supposed to be working on my bio stuff, but i have gotten bored and so i am updating this instead. i can do my homework over the weekend cause i am to lazy to do it right now.

anyways i have made it to West Linn and let me just say it has been a rough move. a lot has happened since i left albany. my mom got me signed up for band so i am taking that, and at first i was really mad about it but it has turned out for the best because that is how i have met like all of my friends. they are all band geeks and it is awesome. but i am having some troubles fitting in. i mean it isn't easy just to come in and start out in this new school and just expect to fit it. it isn't that easy and if you know me then you know i despise change, udderly despise it and think it can burn.

but anyways let me start from the beginning. i have been here for a little over 2 weeks now and my school is so much different from my old one. it is a little more then twice the size but has about the same amount of students. the school is amazing and they are remodling it so it keeps looking better and better. i now only have 6 periods and the schedule is set up really wierd, it would take me to long to explain it but i have each class 4 times a week. and i have a semester of bio and a semester of algebra 2 to catch up on. but i have met some really nice people. the people i met the first day i was here were really nice, but they were into something i din't wan tto get involved in. so i decided to try and find a new group of friends, which is where i met the mormon/band geek group. i know it is a wierd combo, but lets just say it is a fun group of people to hang out with. they are always so funny and outgoing. but in this huge group of about 30 people there are 7-8 really close friends that i have gotten to know. brady, tanner, timmy, kendra, julia, zchanae, and courtney. they are extremely funny and really nice. its also nice because i have atleast one of them in every class but spanish, so i get to hang out with them a lot.

but i guess things are going okay. tonight timmy, tanner, brady, kendra, and julia are coming over for a couple of hours to hang out. that should be a lot of fun since i live in a condo. brady and timmy think we should run down to the call box once the gates are close and push random buttons and call people because your phone rings and they thing it would be funny. i think they are insane, but i guess it would be amusing too. so we will see how tonight goes.

for now i think i am going to go. i have so much stuff to get caught up on and i have track in 10 minutes and i know the beginning say i am in bio cause i was for the first 2 paprgraphs the rest i just wrote up. well i will talk to you all later. love ya lots. bye!

mo