well let me just say that things have been kind of stressful here. i have been really confused about a lot of different things lately. my dad and i have been fighting a lot and i would love more then anything to live back in albany so i could be close to my friends, but i couldn't do that to my mom and i am positive i could not live with my dad.
that isn't the only things that has been going on. i am really confised about myself. every time i get close to someone i close myself up and i don't want to open up completely. and it is really hard because i want to but for some reason i can never feel like i can completely trust them. i am so tired of having secrets and i really miss my brother because i never did have to have secrets, i would always just talk to him. we used to always just go out to eat and see a movie or rent a bunch of movies and just hang out and talk but ever since he finished school and started his full time job neither one of us can find the time for the other one. i guess it wasn't so much trust for each other but the fact that we understood each other. we knew what the other was going through.
i guess i just wish for once that guys would be more then you expect of them. there are very few who are. i mean i think i can trust one or that it is going to be different and it really isn't. for some reason it seems like every guys will always just be that....another guy. i know some really great guys but it seems like there are so few that how are we ever going to be able to find one that we can love and be happy with who won't completely break our hearts. and the sad thing is that even when they are breaking our hearts we won't let them go. we rather have those rare moments where they do care about us then not have them at all.
i love my boyfriend and he is one of the few people i can trust. and sometimes he is just like all the other guys...but he is a teenager and i give him a break because he does care about me. i guess it is just hard to hear about people you know and how their love for each other just fell apart. especially when it seems like it is happening all around you. it makes you think how do i know that this relationship i have is going to be any different. and i guess in the end we all just have to have faith.
mj
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2 comments:
I am a little hurt that you can't tell me your secrets even if they are about me. Well if you do need someone to talk to and let it out....I'm here. And you are still young yet you'll find the right person when the time is right...until then trust God because he's the one who has the perfect timing...I know you really wanted things to work out but you must have faith in the Lord...not always in the person I guess because he's the one you can trust completely until that time comes.
brianna it isn't that i don't trust you but sometimes it is hard to talk to you guys about things like my family because you guys don't have divorced parents so it is hard. because it isn't the same talking to you as it is talking to my brother cause he understands
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