so things went from good to crap in about ten minutes. i mean i seriously don't get it. on top of having my mom being sick and things not going great with my dad i have guy problems. i mean what is it with me. i pick htese guys that are so sweet and care and seem great and then they turn around and beat the ever loving day-lights out of me. i don't know how much more i can take. i mean i really cared about tyler and things with him were good then out of no where he breaks up with me because he isn't ready for a serious relationship. just took him four months to figure that out. and it took some time but i got over it. then i had some little fling just because i could then things seemed great.
so i met this guy a little more then a year ago at young life camp and he was great. he was funny and sweet and just great. but he was almost three years older and why would he like me. i was just a pathetic freshman. so i just gave up and instead got a really good friend. things were great he was there for me a lot. even after i moved he made sure we stayed in contact.
so about a month ago things started to change from friendly to flirty. and i found out he liked me and i told him i liked him and we eventually got together until this weekend where he pulls a total guy thing and tries to make it look like he is ending the relationship for my benefit. i mean he could be but for some reason there is a lot of doubt from me. especially since later i find out it is because he doesn't want to have to hold back around other girls. seriously it is taking a lot of my energy to not just drop him but for some reason i care and i want a friendship with him. even if that is all i get out of it is a friendship. i have got to have him in my life. he just matters to me a lot and no matter how badly i want more i am not going to push it because i don't want to push him away. he told me once to fight for what i want....but as much as i want to fight for this i don't know if i can. i don't know if i can take much more rejection and i don't know if my heart can handle much more pain. but i guess i will just have to wait and see what happens.
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