A pre-warning this is really long so be prepared.....
Well this has been an interesting week. Sunday night I found out my mom got a job in Portland. The one thing she really wanted and the one thing I had been dreading. A lot of things changed when I found that out. Things that didn't make sense now do and I never knew I could feel so many emotions at once. I told evan that night because he was online...I am not real sure what his reaction was other then I know he doesn't want me to move. Well none of my real close friends want me too. I would have to say that Tyler, David, Brianna, and Evan were the hardest people to tell. Tyler heard me cry and Evan got the first reaction to it. David was the first person that I told in person. His face...man that was hard. And Brianna, jeez that is just hard in general. I mean I know that I will be back atleast every other weekend and stuff, but still. It is hard. But those four just got to know that 70 miles doesn't mean anything. I will still harass them all to no end.
I learned a lot this week. I told myself I liked this one guy because...I don't really know. because I was confused I didn't want to have to deal with the guy I really like because it was too hard. I am really close friends with him and I don't want to lose him as a friend. But when I found out I was moving to Portland I realized that no matter what...if we were good friends he wouldn't care one way or the other. Whether he returned the feeling or not. I mean I really care about him, and I have for a couple of months. I have just always been one of those people who doesn't like to let others in, but I think I want him in. I don't know I guess I need advice on what to do. i don't know if I should take the leep or not. Even though I can say stuff I am still scared of what might happen. He is one of my really close friends. But we will see.
A lot of emotions have hit lately. Way more then I thought I could feel at one time. I have only cried once. Which I am quiet proud of myself for. I am worried that if I start I won't be able to stop. Tyler was the only person to hear me cry. I just can't let myself go. And if I do I need someone there to help me pull myself back together. I know I will be back, and I am so glad that I know that. And i know that I will be back regulalrly. I just hope that my friends will be able to remember me and I will be able to spend time with them when I am back. I need to work some things out. I hope I will still be here fpr Valentines because I know who I wanted to ask since it is Sadie Hawkins. I just hope he says yes. And that I will be here or get a visitors pass. LoL. Well we will see. I will keep you up to date as I know things. If you are reading this then I thought you were special enough to read it. I don't tell many my url....so keep it safe. lol. Well I will leave more later. Bye!!!
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I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I was tearing up at the end of our convo. Right after I got off the phone with you I started bawling. I called my mom and she thought I had broken my leg or something. I don't know what breaking a leg feels like but I bet you leaving hurts worse! I'm going to miss you so much. I'm crying right now. I know you'll be back. but the feeling of not having you there all the time makes me scared! I don't know what I will do with out you! I can tell you anything! And sometimes you're the only one I can tell! This is going to be so hard for me because I have lost so many friends in the past it feels like I'm losing another one! But I hope so very desperatly that I'm not. If this is so hard for me I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you because you are moving away from everyone not just one person leaving. And I have cried so many times! and you have only cried once. Tomorrow if you need to cry I will hold you and put you back together :) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME! I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER!
Bri
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